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It's Kind of a Gray Old Day

by Benjamin Dawson

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  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

    Included with this album is a collection of over 40 photos to peruse while you listen to the album.

    The photos have been taken from the surrounding area in the South-East end of Louisville, KY. My intention was to try and capture the overall mood of the album.

    A more in-depth and detailed description regarding the overarching themes in the photos is down in the album description if you are so inclined to know more.
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1.
All the Way Down 04:12
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I'm aging at the factory I'm aging at the beach I'm aging when I’m laughing Or when I’m full of grief Its got me All the way down all the way down All the way down all the way I'm aging every morning And when I sleep at night I'm aging when I’m raging Against the dying of the light Its got me All the way down all the way down All the way down all the way I'm aging when I’m certain I'm aging when I’m wrong I've been aging all winter I'm even aging in this song Its got me All the way down all the down All the way down all the way I'm aging when I’m thinking I'm aging when I forget I feel it more each passing year I'm aging the older I get
2.
Emo Since 2003 03:30
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Well you’re preaching to the chord here girl I’ve been emo since 2003 And I may not show it that much been living with my heart hanging out of my sleeve My world got a little bit larger so my listening's in disrepair I got rid of all my band T-shirts and black dye from my hair So here’s to the suburban blues you kept me crying through the days of my youth So here’s to the suburban blues you held me down when I needed you Some say that it's a bit saccharine bit that midwest repressions a bitch Well You need something overdramatic to brake that shell that you're hiding in It's a release yeah it's a catharsis out here for a middle-class teen You may be rich but you’re still feeling angsty won’t you listen to that white boy scream So here’s to the suburban blues you kept me crying through the days of my youth So here’s to the suburban blues you held me down when I needed you Driving Singing my heart out on the I 264 The problems back then feel so small now a few years down the road So here’s to all those emo bands that got me through those simpler times I'll always have a place in my bleeding heart for some over-sentimental lines I wanna save the day in American Football praticin’ on Thursday night I know you're Brand New but We’re Taking Back Sunday over by Hawthorne Heights
3.
Every Night at the Bar 03:47
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I'd go every night, meet the guys at the bar And we’d have a few drinks probably more than enough I was stuck in a rut At the old warehouse job Something didn’t feel right At the nine-to-five And I knew that I had to get out of this town But I didn’t know where and I didn’t know how Cause nobody leaves here out on their own Unless they're going to war or they're on a tombstone Now I’m loading up semi’s With a college degree And I'm just one of the million That debit weighing on me or things are changing it seems Well Johnny likes whiskey And Carlos had rum Me I drank blue moon Oh was so young And I knew that I had to get out of this town But I didn’t know where and I didn’t know how Cause nobody leaves out on their own Unless they're going to war or they're on a tombstone I’d stay out late, with the guys at the bar When I looked in their faces I saw myself many years on Is that all we can say to live in this world Working 8 dead-end hours for forty years of your life That don’t seem right That don’t seem right And I knew that I had to get out of this town But I didn’t know where and I didn’t know how Cause nobody leaves here out on their own Unless they're going to war or they're on a tombstone
4.
Horrible Love 04:48
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Come in my life Control me Rip out my heart Completely Do it again I'll take that love any way that I can Hold me to close Consume me Covet my friends And use me I'll take that love any old way I can Don’t give it to me But I want it Please just give to me I don’t want it Won’t you give to me Don’t give it to me, your horrible love Wall up the void With drama Let's have a fight I promise I'll take that love any old way that I can I'll take the pain As long as you take the blame We’ll share this Painful old love any way that we can This world is hard And lonely Brutal and sad The only Consolation I have Is you horrible love that I barely can stand Don’t give it to me But I want it Please just give to me I don’t want it Won’t you give to me Don’t give it to me, your horrible love I'm a contradiction Full of inconsistences Of what I believe I'm a human being You may not want to be You know you're just like me Please give me all of your horrible love I don’t want none of your horrible love
5.
Before You had to Go 03:51
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Do you remember those nights on the patio With a bottle of wine and a friend or so And we’d laugh and we’d tell our old stories we know Before you had to go And the words that we said didn’t mean too much It was more like a feeling of comfort and trust And we carried it with us, this old love we’d built up Before you had to go And leave us And I miss you I can't forget you You’re been the love of my life since I was a girl And I miss you I wish I could kiss you My beds gotten so cold without you around And there’s a hole in the family that can never be filled Were all thinking of you and we talk you still When the kids all grew up We started to roam Do remember you took me all way up to Gnome We saw glaciers and deserts and plane's from the road Before you had to go And I hope that it helped I stayed with you all night But I had to leave at the moment you died I couldn’t be there when my whole world closed his eyes But I know you had to go And leave us And I miss you I can't forget you You’ve been the love of my life since I was a girl And I miss you I wish I could kiss you My beds gotten so cold without you around I hope that I made you proud as your wife I can’t say it's been easy without you beside I know you had to go And leave us
6.
I'm Not Writing Songs 03:57
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Is five years too many To be lost in the weeds For me, its been ten now And I can’t see the forest for the trees Time passes faster the older I get I feel the weight more acutely In my growing yoke of regrets And things ain't turning out like I thought they would I'm getting older now can someone help me out I find it harder still for things to laugh about It's like a thunder cloud that follows me around There’s a villain in my head And he knows all I think And chants all my worries And he keeps me afraid Of creating of loving I'm scared to be wrong So I’m staying in stasis And I’m not writing songs Things ain't turning out like I thought they would I'm getting older now can someone help me out I find it harder still for things to laugh about It's like a thunder cloud that follows me around
7.
Like Goethe Yelling at Stones "Tell me You Stones, O' Speak!" 04:57
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Sunsets in Marrakesh Looking over a precipice If a tree falls in the woods will anyone hear Fireworks in Budapest Trying to hide from the pessimist Am I alone or in a crowd it really unclear And I think I’m a ghost I think I’m a phantom You can see right through me now And I’m wanderin' round Turning up stones Looking for the other part of me Barstool in Istanbul Drinking out the insecure Why does all the laughter sound so cruel Barely holding on in old Lyon Feeling lost without a home Watching couples walk the river Rhone I think I’m a ghost I think I’m a phantom Can anybody see me now And I’m wanderin' round Yelling at stones Looking for the other part of me I’ve been everywhere man I’ve crossed the deserts bare I’ve been everywhere man Of traveling, I’ve had me share Of traveling, I’ve had my share I’ve been everywhere
8.
Lonely and Sick of People 04:12
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It's never enough it's always too much I can’t bear to stick around until the loneliness has got me down Well I want to stay I can’t wait to getaway Everything and nothing all at once is never worth the cost You miss my call and call me back then I don’t pick up I got these people in my head and they can’t get enough They got my turning all around I’m up and down and up And now I’ve botched another one, it's got me feeling undone Lonely and sick of people all at once I'm lonely and sick of people I'm lonely and sick of people So hold me closely now But make sure to look away I can’t tell you how I feel but you should leave, no wait stay Invite me out put me down for a maybe though I may be on the road I’ve never waited for god or gold You miss my call and call me back then I don’t pick up I got these people in my head and they can’t get enough They got my turning all around I’m up and down and up And now I’ve botched another one, it got me feeling undone Lonely and sick of people all at once I'm lonely and sick of people I'm lonely and sick of people
9.
Waiting Across the Street from Long John Silver's 03:19
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I called you seventeen I called you seventeen Times on the phone again Acting like I’ve got no sense Losing all self-respect And so I Waited in the parking lot across the street With the car off in the cold of February Waiting for you to end your shift so you can leave And I waited, forty-three Minutes for you to leave And I waited, seventy Minutes for you to leave Felling the panic win Waiting for the dread to end And so I Saw you walk across the parking lot with him And you got in the car and kissed him hard in the front seat And all of it was crumbling down inside of me All of it was crumbling down inside of me And oh how we yelled and we screamed that it was over Through the blistering howling cold and all the falling snow. And there’s no point ever hoping that well ever grow old Together at least Together at least And I know it's over now I was seventeen And I know it's over now I was seventeen
10.
Stringin' You Along 05:41
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Call me up I'll let know what I’m thinking I know I've been selfish and cruel And it's been months I've been pulling away from you I know I've Been cold and aloof My avoidance is an act of aggression I've been lying to you baby I've been stringing you along I hung you up I kept you from moving on I stayed cause it was easier than being alone And when I finally broke it off I didn’t even have the balls to call I sent you…. Well, I, sent you…. I sent you an email What a shame what coward I am What I fool My avoidance is an act of aggression I've been lying to you baby I've been stringing you along I never deserved you baby Ive been stringin' you along
11.
The Coward's Path 04:15
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You can’t break a heart With nothing in it No matter how you spin it No matter how you split it So I keep smiling on And I won’t admit it If there’s hope forget it I mixed up surrender with giving up And I mixed up hiding with emptiness I'll never forgive me ill always regret This frail gold mask That holds me back I took the coward's path For ten years now The easy way out The quite route And I can’t escape Can’t find a way out Don’t have the strength to be found My voice ain't loud I mixed up surrender with giving up And I mixed up hiding with emptiness I'll never forgive me ill always regret This frail gold mask That holds me back No matter how it seems I'm not as happy as I appear to be In the painful sum of things I've crafted all my chains
12.
The Cost 03:54
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I used to be fine with loving It was as natural as breath But I lost something a few years ago Traveling out the west I think I thought too much about it Now I'm in my head Loves no longer a feeling It's an academic concept The stars used to seem to teem in the sky Crowded together they’d burn bright up so high Now they feel like distant points of light Stoic and alone in the cold of the night I have lived a selfish life Full of wondrous things But didn’t count on losing out Of the joy a partner brings All you do has a price to pay Even if you don’t know the cost A pawn can’t say that he won’t play He’s on the let's start, The stars used to seem to teem in the sky Crowded together they’d burn bright up high Now they feel like distant points of light Stoic and alone in the cold of the night But they’re all the same No, it's me that changed What brings me wonder Now bring me pain Now I can’t escape The choices I’ve made

about

I would like to thank all of my friends and family for being so supportive and loving. I am grateful beyond words, to have such caring people in my life. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

Special thanks to Ellie Church, I couldn't have made this album without her. To Erin Hill for saying the phrase that gave me the idea for the title of this album. And to Ryan and Zach Dawson for all of their insights and for listening to me complain about hissing ghosts for the last 3 months.


This album was written over the course of 3 weeks late December 2021 to mid-January 2022. It was recorded in the preceding 2 months mid-January to mid-March 2022.

Its content was heavily influenced by the cold weather, overcast skies, and vinyl siding kingdom that is modern lower-middle to middle-class suburbia, in the United States.

The Lyrical content is a mix of reminisces, regrets, fears, aging, death, cowardice, failure, and the paradoxical, complicated nature of the human psyche.

Included in this album is a collection of photos taken from my surrounding area in the South-East end of Louisville, KY. My intention was to try and capture the overall mood of the album. Not the drastic raging storm of anger not the deep dark hole of suicidal depression, but the bland featureless gray of existential ennui. An emotional state of privilege to be sure but a state nonetheless.

I also wanted to show the beauty and harshness of the monochromatic stark and almost prison-like sameness of suburban America. I developed a particular fascination with the everpresent yet completely mundane building material known as vinyl siding.

Somewhat reminiscent of the soviet area bloc-style buildings, and completely void of any character It dominates the landscape in various hues of beige and blue. I felt it represented the oppressive sameness of the gray winter sky.

credits

released March 14, 2022

All instruments and compositions were written by Benjamin Dawson
there is a secret small part of a cover though. Hidden in the album. see if you can spot it!

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Benjamin Dawson Louisville, Kentucky

Benjamin Dawson Is a singer-songwriter from Louisville, KY.

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